Wednesday, November 4, 2009

November 4

Most of you know that I struggle every day at work. I am still unsure why they hired me as there isn't work there to keep me busy.

I have put out some resumes and hopefully something comes of one of them. I am pretty sure at this point I will be there until after the first of the year as there isn't much out there right now.

I can only ask so many times in one day for work to do. The worst part is that I have to just sit there. I am not allowed online, I cannot read a book, I cannot text, I cannot make phone calls. I just have to sit there. This week they started working on an addition to the building. They are working right outside of my window so at least I have something to watch right now.

The thing I struggle with most is one of the guys in the office. There is a long story here, but basically he has to have someone to boss around and pick on and it just happens to be me. I can go into the whole reasons I think he is like this, but we'll save that for another time. My problem is I absolutely can not stand not liking someone. I always try to find the good in people. I just can't find anything good about him and it breaks my heart that I feel this way.

I find myself mumbling about him to myself when I see him. Making silly faces when he isn't looking and just feeling so mean towards him. I know this is so childish, but I just can't stop myself. He has done somethings that have really hurt me and currently this is how I am feeling.

He is one of those "Sandpaper" people in my life. Perhaps God has put me in this situation to learn to deal with this type of behavior. If this is the case, I might be employed here for a long time if I don't figure out how to forgive him and move on.

I am not one to hold a grudge, but I just can't seem to let go of some of the things he has said and done. You know that saying "Fool me once - shame on you, Fool me twice - shame on me"? He has blindsided me twice now with lies and accusations and I just don't know how to let go and let God this time.

How do you let go of something when you are so hurt but you know you need to move past it? Do you have a suggestion that I can try?



Jen said...

First of all, your job sounds like solitary confinement in a prison if you are only allowed to sit there without something to stimulate your noggin. :(

Second of all, I think the only way to deal with the sandpaper person is to kill them with kindness until you move on ~ which hopefully will be soon!

Chris said...

What kind of employer wants to have someone just sit - and not at least look busy on top of it? Weird.

I like Jen's idea. But it'd be a whole lot easier to do if you were trying to keep this job & knew you had to work w/ him over the long haul. If you can't kill him with kindness, maybe you can at least stun him with civility. Try to remove the reactions you have to him one at a time. Maybe at some point you'll be able to just think of him as a coworker instead of an enemy. Tho it's a lot easier to type this than to actually do it. Good luck!

Crystal said...

One of my favorite quotes is "Be the change you wish to see in others."-Ghandi. As Jen and Chris said, be kind (or at least civil). Be the kind of person you can be proud of, and he'll tire of whatever sport he is getting from you. Good luck with that co-worker and the job!

Vonnie said...

Wow Stacy you are in a rough spot. My job is only busy about 4 1/2 months out of the yr. The rest of the time I am allowed to do whatever I wish, read, be online, even scrapbook. I too have a problem with a coworker. This man and I had one very bad day this past spring. He is very verbal and has to have the last word. I told my boss what took place that day. The boss spoke to the coworker, who has a troubled history here. Actually was fired once a few yrs ago and went to the general mgr and board. He was reinstated. Talk about a tense work place during that time! Anyway coworker lied to my boss turned everything around and blamed me for actions he did and things he said. Even yelling"I wish I had tape recorder and then you'd she how she is!" My boss did not believe him, thankfully. However I have a huge grudge and am struggling now for months not to scratch his eyes out! I only say what I have to to him and will not make eyecontact if at all possible. He is overly nice to me. I ignore it. Not very Christain huh? There is no talking this out. He has refused to take any responsibility for his actions ever. I keep my distance and take deep breaths. Asking God to unharden my heart but I will not let my guard down around him. If you find a resolution to your deleima I'd be happy to hear any suggestions.