Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Passing Me By....

Lately I feel as if Life is just passing me by.

I leave before everyone in the morning and I am the last one home at night. I am also the first one to bed at night.

I am completely stressed out about not being here for my kids. I have always tried to be a Mom first and an employee second. Now I feel as if it is the other way around. I have almost always been able to go to my kids activities at school and be with them in the evenings for their things. Now I am not able to take any time off during the day (no one can). And I will not be able to go to many of their evening activities with the late hours.

I feel as if I am missing out on a lot of things. I think of that poem that I have read so many times over the years about what matters to a child. You know the one, it will not matter the money you spend on them, it is the time you spend with them.

So, where do I go from here? I can make a list of pro's and con's. I can go on and pretend like nothing is bothering me.

I like my job for the most part, every job has ups and downs. I feel like God gave me this job and if I choose to do something different I am letting Him down. I think back to what I wrote when I started and how this seemed to be an answer to my prayers.

So what do I do?

I will pray & I will ask for prayer.

Stacy

7 comments:

Shannon said...

Balancing work and family is one of the hardest things to do. I think we all struggle with it and hate missing out on things. I am praying for you my friend and hope that God will give you a clear answer and peace in your heart.

Lucky Wife/Bookaholic said...

God knew what your struggles would be before he gave you this job, he knew wether or not you would like it and wether or not you would stay. Now I guess all you can do is pray for his will to be done, what ever direction that leads you. Good luck.

meg said...

Pray about it, but remember that it is really still early days in the job. Things will get easier in time- you won't feel as tired & overwhelmed, so you'll gain that time back.
I'm one who did this all thru my childrens' upbringing & I have to say that I was more bothered by missing activities then they were- but they knew the reality- Mom had to work & go to school- but it also made the times that I was able to be there all the more special.
Know that I'm praying for you also, & trusting that peace will come again.

Becca said...

Dear Stacy,

I know that these are tough days for you right now. But please know that you are right where you are meant to be. I know that it might not feel like it at this moment in time, but hang in there, knot that rope a little tighter, and hang on. It does get easier, better, more balanced, whatever God envisions for you and your family. It will all work out for the best in the time that is intended. Keep the faith and keep looking forward. It isn't easy, no, but nothing good worth having ever is. We are all behind you 100%!

Rebekah said...

I have not had to balance work and children- but I can imagine how hard it is to leave your children and miss evenings with them. But like others have said it is early and finding that balance takes time. My prayers are with you.

Jen said...

Thinking of you & praying for you. Hang in there, dear friend.

mitchowl said...

I could feel your pain in this post. Life is full of some really tough decisions and we could always second guess ourselves on every one of them. You just have to listen with your heart when you make the choice and then quit trying to rejustify the choice to yourself. Later on you may make another decision to quit work or modify work, but don't beat yourself up daily over the choice that has been made. Do what you can and then trust. Your kids know your heart.