Missing Laurel

Some days it is still so hard for me to realize that she is gone.

She was more than just my friend.  She was my best friend, my sister, my soul-mate.

I talked to her every day about every thing.  Multiple times a day as well.

We had a never ending text conversation that we would just picked up where we left off through the day when we had a chance to answer.

We could talk about anything and everything.  We were happy for each others accomplishments and sad for our losses.

We talked each other through raising our boys and living with our husbands and  dealing with family issues.

There is still hardly a day goes by that I don't miss her.  Some days the pain of losing her is still so real and so raw.  I am quite often still brought to tears when I realize that I can't just call or text her.

Not long ago, Hubby and I saw Fast & Furious 7.  Since we have seen every one of these movies together, we too felt the loss of Paul Walker.  The end song "See You Again" made me ball like a baby.

I often listen to these words and reflect on what I have lost as well.

But in the end, when I have my wits about me and the strength to think about things clearly, I know that she is pain free.  I know that she is in peace with our Father in heaven and I will see her again soon.  What may seem like many years for me, will be just a blink of an eye for her.

I know that I will never be able to replace her, but I hope that some day I can once again have a friendship so deep and so strong with someone.

-Stacy

PS - For those that are new to this blog, my best friend passed away from breast cancer on Feb. 11, 2014.

Bricks

My friend 'Dory' recently wrote a post about how much she misses her dad.  In the post she wrote about an analogy that was in the movie 'Rabbit Hole'. Please take a minute and read her post: Three Years Later

After reading that post, I got to thinking about what 'bricks' I carry around with me. I lost my dad in 1990 when I was just shy of 19.  He died of cancer related to Agent Orange from Vietnam.

He would probably laugh that I put this picture up here for all to see. I am not sure what year this was taken, but it was definitely before 1989 and it was Christmas time in our kitchen.  And yes, I believe his pajama's had the 'flap' in the back...lol  I know that this is Christmas because of all of the Tupperware containers on the counter behind him. My Mum always makes a TON of cookies for Christmas and still uses some of those same containers to this day for her cookies.

This picture kind of cracks me up and make me long for those simple times so many years ago.

This is a 'brick' I have carried around with me for many years. Some of the times I have reached in and it really hurt: my wedding and not being able to have a daddy/daughter dance, the birth of my children and watching them grow up, those are just a few times that it has hurt...but after 20+ years it has become sadly, normal.

Sometimes my Mum and I can talk about him and laugh at the things he did (see above photo) or said..."sufficiently safansafied" :)  (his way of saying he was full at dinner) And other times, like recently when going through old photo's we cry or turn them over so we don't cry.

A few years ago our family lost 4 family member within a year and a half. Some of those bricks are still a little heavy but are starting to lighten up. The hurt is still real and fresh at times but it also has become bearable with time.

Thanks 'Dory' for sharing that little part of a movie that has also helped put into words what is sometimes so hard to do.

Stacy

Pink Out

We had a 'Pink Out' Friday night at the home football game in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Watching the band walk into the stadium brought tears to my eyes and I struggled not to cry in a stadium full of people.

Not only was every band member, dancer, cheerleader, and flag line member in pink, if you look real close in the background you will notice that the football players wore pink tape on their shoes and pink wrist bands. And the flag line had their old white flags dyed pink for the night.

The athletic director had all of the yard line numbers redone in pink as well as the end zone stripes.
Even God participated in the event by lining the clouds in pink.

All of this was set up by the 'Students For Charity' group at the high school. They even had a stand with all kinds of 'pink' stuff and all of the proceeds went to Breast Cancer Research and Treatment Charities.

I am so proud of our school and the students for picking this cause and for all of those who willingly participated.

Stacy

Relaxing

VBS is over. It was a great time with the kids. Our theme this year was 'The Egypt Files' from Answers In Genesis. They always have a great set of materials and the message during the week.


I think I needed this week just to relax after running for the last 2 weeks. I am also thankful that I didn't have to work last week so that I could concentrate on VBS.

Today I went with Laurel down to Pittsburgh for her treatment. I always have such a nice time when we spend the day together, even if it is sitting in a hospital while she is hooked to an IV.

We have also gotten in trouble a time or two while there. One time her brother Kevin and I went with her. Kevin is hilarious and works in the education field so he always has a good story or two or ten to tell us. Well he got to telling a story and we started giggling and there was another patient who did not think we were amusing at all and shushed us. I swear we weren't being loud.

The time always seems to fly by even when we are there for several hours. We talk and laugh and then talk and laugh some more. We talk every day and sometimes several times a day but they are usually short conversations unless one of us needs to let loose about something. So when we get together the conversation never stops. You would think we hadn't seen each other in years.

Thanks Laurel for letting me go with you. I consider it a privilege that you allow me to go with you.

Stacy

VBS Week

This will be a short week for posting as we have VBS going on. I am so stinkin' busy I can't stand it. I get up at 6:00 to get ready for work, work from 8-4:30, get home in time to pick up the boyz and head out to church. When I get home at night I have to update all of the PowerPoints for the opening and closing programs and find time to eat dinner while I am preparing for tomorrow. I get to bed about 11:30, and have been falling asleep by 1 or so. I expect to crash hard Friday night and sleep in on Saturday.

Just an update on Laurel. She came home today. Sadly, they determined that it was cancer again. The only good news is that it is still breast cancer. Yes, in her bowels. It is the same cancer, it has just spread. So she will recuperate for a few weeks and then start treatment again.

Sorry such a short post, but I have to get these PowerPoints done so I can get to bed before midnight!

Stacy

For Laurel

This was on PostSecret a while ago and I often think of it when Laurel is having a bad day.

Most of you know that she had to have surgery last week for a blockage. She was in good spirits after the surgery, but today she has had a really bad day. She still hasn't been able to eat (almost a week now) and she threw up earlier in the day. She is worried about the test results and what that will bring. She is worried about her kids, her house and everything else that us mom's and wives worry about.

So as you say your prayers, if you would just add her to your list. Pray for Peace for her and good test results and that her spirits would be lifted.

Thank you,
Stacy

For Those With Cancer

I saw this on PostSecrets this morning and thought of Laurel.

She has not let cancer ruin her life. She lives almost every day as if there is no cancer. I admire her for being able to do that.

This is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and this is such a fitting postcard.

Stacy